Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Hai there. Jon here. Hope things are going well for you all. Now, let's see.

I must admit, I think I was ages behind Kate about this whole pregancy thing. She was looking at possible parents for our child, and I was still trying to get my head around the fact that I was going to be a father, if not a dad. Ages behind. Some days, even now, when I'm just sitting back and thinking about things... some days it's still hard to believe it happened. But then I just go look on Facebook at my loverly child and it kinda snaps me back to the present. It was just... hard to believe. This is me HUGELY sterotyping, but I figured the only kids who got pregnant were... THOSE kids. You know the ones, the ones that didn't have the best family, had problems, did drugs, yadda yadda yadda. That's what I thought. Needless to say, the fact that I had gotten Kate pregnant didn't exactly make me feel too great. I wanted to help in whatever way I could, but... it's like saying you want to help all those poor children you see in those heartwrenching commercials, that you want to do more than just sending money, but... you don't. Maybe 'cause you're scared, or busy, or lazy, or whatever, but you don't. You don't want to get your hands dirty. I think that sums up me in a nutshell during this time... I didn't do a lot. Didn't want to get my hands dirty. I didn't know what to do. Kate wanted me to do this sometimes, my parents said this, friends said that... What about me? All I wanted to do was please everyone, but that was a little late.

I remember one day, Kate mentioned something (rather offhandedly I thought at the time) about this couple her aunt had found or something (sorry, can't remember the details =( ) and they were looking for a child. She had been emailing them and I should read the aforementioned emails and see what I think. Well, maybe that day wasn't a good day for me, or I was mad, or stressed, or stupid (probably a combination of the former and the latter), but I didn't really read them. I gave a little skim read, said the expected "That's nice," and continued to eat my lunch. I was skeptical. What's to prevent these yokels from scamming us or something? Breaking our hearts, leaving us with a baby that we just couldn't keep? I was suspicious of everyone. I didn't want to be used. Shifty eyes.

I better not tell the whole story, and sorry for pretty much counterpointing Kate and Kristen. (they are scared but optimistic, and I'm just depressing and a jerk. Mah bad.)